


The Ships that Never Sailed

by AinesseyYessenia



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU where nobody dies, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 20:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AinesseyYessenia/pseuds/AinesseyYessenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gandalf felt confident trying his luck at shipping. He soon finds out that his attempts have failed horribly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ships that Never Sailed

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt on the kink meme:  
> Gandalf is secretly shipping the dwarfs with each other. Having his own theories on how and why the different couples (maybe even a triad...) will be together. 
> 
> But at the end of the mission (everyone happy and alive) he discovers none of his ships are canon, and those who are in a relationship are the complete opposite of what he thought. 
> 
> So Gandalf is just left there, like 'wtf is this shit'
> 
> AN: Also, I just wanted to quickly mention that I don't find issue with any ship that didn't occur in this story, no matter what Gandalf's reaction will be to them. Nor do I find issues with the ones that did occur. Happy readings.

It was a very good thing that Gandalf never claimed to be able to see the future. While he may have had an inkling or two about what was to come, he was not the type of seer whose predictions could be counted as a stone marking wedged into the ground of a well worn path. It was why all his endeavors had to be carried out with a backup plan or two ready, just in case something he did not expect were to pop up. Inconveniences did occur, after all, and it was best to pay attention to some before they happened so as to be better prepared. With a quest such as the reclaiming of Erebor, tragedy was bound to occur, and even he could tell in the earliest of stages that some of them would be lost.

At least, he thought as much. Watching events unfold as they had, emotions flaring through the air like the fire that had taken down a once great and nigh impenetrable fortress, Gandalf was certain that there could be no true happy ending for any of them. But fate, or perhaps destiny, or maybe it was just plain dumb luck, had other ideas. Those fatally wounded had survived, bonds thought broken were mended with a strength greater than before, and progress looked as though it would not be halted for centuries yet to come.

Gandalf was confused, but so very relieved. None of that had been expected. None of that had been remotely close to what he thought he had seen for the future of the company. Had he been wrong? Or had things shifted? Did something happen early on that forced the future to take another turn? Was this an alternate plain of reality where things, for the most part, turned out just fine? He wasn’t sure, but it would do him no good to question things. Nor would it be an enjoyable endeavor to try. It felt far too wonderful to be able to breathe easily again.

The peace also meant that the wizard could indulge in a guilty pleasure he found himself consumed with during the journey to Erebor: Seeing which member of the company would end up spending the rest of their days with the other. A rather unorthodox way for him to pass the time, and probably terribly inappropriate if any of his fellow company members were to be asked about it, but what none of them knew would never annoy the wizard. Besides, it was difficult to resist such thoughts when evidence for them was so readily flaunted as the days wore on.  

It started with Bilbo, which was not surprising seeing as that was how the entire journey found its footing as well. It was hard trying to see just who the hobbit would become the closest to, and many a sleepless nights were spent trying to solve the puzzle, even though those were usually the nights he was supposed to be on watch. And, of course, once he started thinking about Bilbo, he began thinking about the rest of them, trying to determine from daily interactions and hushed words which would make claim to who.

It took him well until after the Battle of the Five Armies to get it right, but he felt as though he had finally gotten each pair perfectly lined up. Bilbo with Thorin, though it would take some serious work to make sure they stayed together, Fili with Kili, Ori with Dwalin, Bofur and Nori, and several others that he hadn’t really spent too much time watching but figured would pair up nicely together. All in all, he was very happy with all his chosen pairs, and could only sit back and wait for the rest of them to realize they were destined to be together.

Which was when it all went to hell, really.

During the feast celebrating their victory, both over the dragon and the battle following its destruction, Kili had stood up. The young prince was unusually somber for the occasion, and many would later claim they had not seen him touch the ale he was passed at the beginning of the meal. Gandalf saw something in his eyes right then, a single determination that obviously required quite a bit of courage and a considerate amount of nerve to rustle up.

“I have an announcement to make.”

It had almost been too good to be true. The need in his voice, the longing in his eyes, it was all so strong that the wizard was sure that this was it. This was the moment that his feelings would finally be revealed to his brother. This was the moment that one of his favored pairs would be realized and announced for the rest of the company to hear. It also might have meant, Gandalf thought with a secret smile, that others would follow example and announce their loves too.

Thorin, who also seemed a bit surprised at his nephew’s demeanor, gave an encouraging nod. “What’s on your mind, Kili?”

Fili placed a hand on his brother’s arm, smiling reassuringly, giving the darker haired dwarf the courage he needed to speak.

“When I started this journey, I was promised glory, honor, treasure, and plenty of adventure to last me a lifetime. Sure, I had plenty of trouble and close calls as well,” His hand instinctively went down to his stomach, eyes glazing over a bit as though the memory of the scar placed there was currently flashing before his very eyes. As soon as the expression came, it was gone again, replaced by a fond smile aimed at every single member of the company.

Though, Gandalf noticed that it lingered on a few more than the others. There was, of course, the extended look on Fili and Thorin who had nearly shared with him a fatal fate, but the wizard noticed that it also paid a good deal of attention to one other member…

Kili’s voice interrupted his observations. “I wouldn’t trade a single second of it for all the gold in Erebor, though. I could not have found any greater company to grow around. I found the meaning of true courage on this quest, and I found what it truly meant to be home again.”

There was a collective cheer around the room, as well as a few raised glasses that clanked together in a joined happiness. Still, Kili seemed nervous. Gandalf could understand. Telling a sibling you cared for them in a romantic sense took a great deal of courage. Much more than the amount one needed to fight in a battle or rule a country certainly, and of a different brand altogether. The young dwarf could be forgiven for his unusual lack of confidence this once.

“One thing I didn’t expect to find, however…” Kili looked around once more, sweat running down the sides of his face and down to his neck, before swallowing. “Was love.” The room fell silent at once.

Gandalf took a bite out of a roll on his plate.

“I did not expect to form such strong bonds with anyone for fear I would lose focus, and I did try to stop myself from feeling them, but it appears was stolen from me from the start.”

Gandalf nodded in satisfaction. Any minute now,

“Which I suppose is only to be expected. What kind of a burglar wouldn’t be able to steal a heart or two?”

Precisely…wait…“What?”

Kili didn’t appear to have heard him. Neither did the rest of the company. The prince’s gaze was focused on the group’s favorite hobbit. “Bilbo Baggins. I know this is sudden, and I know you have a home to return to in the Shire. I’m not going to ask you to leave it all behind, but maybe you could now have a reason to come back?” At this point, Kili lost what courage he had gathered and looked down to the table. “I could even show you around the mountain if you’d like.”

Gandalf was rendered speechless. Had he been any less dignified, he would have openly gaped at the spectacle unfolding. A spectacle that currently should not have been happening between this particular dwarf and this particular hobbit.

Bilbo had no such luck. He was currently doing a very fine impression of a fish pulled out of water, turning to the dwarf seated next to him every few seconds as if to gain some kind of confirmation. Ori just shrugged.

After a moment he felt composed enough to try looking at Kili, whose gaze was still on the table in front of him. “But-you-you’re a…prince!” His voice was positively scandalized. “I’m…I’m nothing more than a hobbit!” 

At the sound of the burglar’s defeated tone - and why was it defeated right now is what Gandalf wanted to know - Kili’s head shot up. “Just a hobbit? _Just_ a hobbit? You make it sound like you’re nothing at all!”

Bilbo’s eyes held a kind of sadness in them. “Not compared to you. You’re royalty for goodness sake! You need an heir and you deserve royal suitors and all I can offer is one hobbit hole miles away from here. Don’t misunderstand, it’s a wonderful hobbit hole, but I don’t see how that could ever tempt you!”

“ **You** tempt me!” Gandalf almost felt uncomfortable about the declaration, which had been emphasized by a loud bang on the table, and perhaps a few other members of the company did too, but nobody said anything. Not even Thorin, who the wizard was certain, should have stepped in by now. “Not how big your home is or how much you have to your name. The only thing I want is you.”

Someone coughed.

Bilbo didn’t seem to notice. “How could that even work?”

To everyone’s surprise, Fili stood up next. In his eyes was same slightly heartbroken yet determined look as his brother. “If what you’re worried about is how royalty can fall for commoners, I can assure you it’s not unheard of. In fact, I’m telling you right now that my brother and I have that in common. I, too, fell in love with someone on this journey. Someone who doesn’t have an ounce of royal blood in his body, but is pretty wonderful all the same.”

Oin held up his hearing horn. He seemed a touch too absorbed in what was going on. Gandalf was a touch too terrified. Two couplings had been broken up already, and they were the wizard’s favorites too. What could go wrong now?

Fili had just the answer. “Ori, I know I have a lot to prove to you and your brothers, but if you’d let me, I’d like to court you and prove my affections.”

Ori’s head whipped over to Bilbo, the hobbit already looking back. They seemed to come to a silent consensus and turned to Thorin. It looked as though they were asking his opinion, or permission. Perhaps they were even looking for a signal that this was not all a horrible joke that Gandalf’s heart hoped it was. Honestly, _Fili and Ori_? When had that had time to happen?

The king merely smirked back. “My nephews are their own men. Their hearts chose who they will love.” His eye glanced next to him-at _Dwalin_?!-and suddenly Gandalf had a harder time keeping his shock hidden. “Royal blood or not.” He turned back to the two members of the company who had caught his nephew’s eyes. “Whatever they decide, they will have my support.”

Gandalf couldn’t believe what he was hearing, nor what he was seeing as the two princes made their way towards their intended. Seconds later, Fili was crushing Ori to him in a heated embrace and Kili was peppering kisses all over Bilbo’s face, after the two had agreed to be courted and loved, amidst hearty cheers and laughter. Then, suddenly, everyone else wanted to make some lovely confession to another member of the company, but the problem was that it was to **_the wrong person._**

Gandalf meanwhile, could hardly find it in him to move. How had been so wrong? How had none of his predictions come true? He may not have been an almighty seer but he did have some small gift of foresight. Apparently this gift was very small indeed, for he soon realized that all of the ships he had imagined with couples sailing into the sunset were sinking. Very, very slowly.

After everyone had had their say, Gloin stood up, all smiles, to address the rest of them. A very unsettling feeling curled up deep within Gandalf’s stomach. There was no way.

“While everyone is happy and merry on new love,” The new couples held onto each other a bit tighter. “I have an announcement to make about my own family.”

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Gandalf suddenly stood up, muttering something about wizard business he had to attend to, and rushed out the nearest exit. Gloin and his wife were the last solid couple Gandalf had left, and it was going to stay that way. Even if it meant sinking with the last ship he had left in his army, Gandalf was going to remain in a permanent state of denial.

There was a long moment of silence after the wizard marched out, where everyone paused and took a second to look around at each other, hoping someone in the group had some kind of explanation as to what had occurred.

Gloin cleared his throat when it was obvious no one had a clue. “What’s his problem? I was only trying to tell you all that my family would be arriving within the month.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think. My first time filling a prompt, so tell me how I did. Hope you guys enjoyed.


End file.
